Selamat caught at causeway?

Hooray!!! Talkingcock (which also designed the funny pix above) has published another piece of satire by Sophie's World. :-)

Do take note that the article below is pure satire. Sophie's World hopes that the authorities will soon nab the real fugitive! The authorities have already stepped up security at the causeway, as reported by The Straits Times today.

Selamat Caught at Causeway
Posted on Thursday, March 06, 2008
by Sophie's World

Singaporean fugitive Tak Selamat has finally been nabbed when he tried to sneak into the notorious Malaysian city of Johor Baru via the congested causeway over the weekend.

This has ended the massive manhunt for the limping Islamic militant, thanks to the tip-off of Woodlands resident and contractor Ker Mit Seng who was in a pirated taxi with Tak Selamat.

Mr Seng felt something was amiss when he chatted with Tak Selamat during a normal three-hour traffic gridlock on the mile-long causeway linking Malaysia and Singapore.

"He not very interested to talk about cheap prostitutes and pirated DVDs in JB. Damn strange. So I SMS police lor," Mr Seng said.

He also disclosed that Tak Selamat was incensed as he was hauled away by security forces of the two countries, ending the nationwide dragnet in 72 hours.

"Pukimak (fucking) causeway. So fucking jam all the time," Mr Seng cited Tak Selamat as saying.

Security forces of Malaysia and Singapore were ecstatic with their joint efforts in nabbing the alleged militant, who was in heavy disguise as an Arab businessman in a flowing robe.

"This shows our wisdom in keeping the causeway as a strategic bottleneck to prevent fugitives from crossing over to Malaysia so easily," crowed Singapore top security man Chin Tuah Kee.

He said Singaporeans and Malaysians should be grateful that Tak Selamat and friends didn't manage to blow up the causeway and other key facilities in Singapore a few years ago.

The increasingly heavy traffic at the causeway has worked to the advantage of the security forces, who were embarrassed by the escape of a string of well-known fugitives via the causeway in the past.

Well-known figures who had fled Singapore to Malaysia via the causeway included the Malaysian murderer of a China girl in Singapore, a Singapore Chinese gangster called One-Eyed Dragon and a former senior executive of the National Kidney Foundation.

Malaysian chief police Ayam Besar joined in the crowing.

"Ya, betul (correct). The causeway is very good despite the traffic jam lah. It would have been susah (difficult) for us to catch Tak Selamat if he had tried to swim across the Johor Straits," Ayam Besar said.

He added: "He may have escaped a toilet, but the Johor Straits has a lot more shit, and Tak Selamat would have drowned in it. We would not have caught him alive."

Malaysia, Singapore in New Cockfight Over Water Pact

The satirical TalkingCock has published another article by Sophie's World. Enjoy!!!

by Sophie's World

In a shocking move, the Malaysian government has issued a statement to demand billions of dollars for the water it sold to Singapore for a song by mistake.

Malaysian gahmen spokesman Mr. Cakap bin Ayam said it now has a sound legal case to pursue the contentious matter, which has remained unresolved since the 1990s.

"We have found a new way to deal with the legalistic Singapore gahmen. It's called the law of mistakes," he said with a straight face.

When prodded, Mr Ayam cited the current case of a poor hawker in Singapore who had to repay Singapore's Housing Done Badly (HDB) S$18,000 for wrongful compensation by the gahmen agency more than four years ago. The HDB issued a notice this week to Madam Lee Ah Yam over a contract that was signed nearly 12 years ago, according to Singapore gahmen-controlled The States Times on 12 January 2008.

The Malaysian spokesman said: "How can suka suka (simply) ask for money back one? She has already spent the money, lah!"

"We shall use the same principle and demand the money for the cheap water we sold to Singapore by mistake since the 1960s. We had wanted to exercise our right to review the price of the water in the mid-1980s but we forgot lah. I admit it was our mistake."

"But tak apa (never mind). They can ask for money back based on their mistake. We also can," Mr Ayam added.

In a swift rebuttal, Singapore gahmen spokesman Ms Ban Vanity dismissed the fresh claim by Malaysia.

"This is utter nonsense. A deal is a deal. How can the Malaysian gahmen act retroactively?" she thundered.

Ms Vanity dismissed the suggestion that Singapore's own HDB had acted retroactively in claiming the money from Madam Lee.

"The circumstances are completely different. Malaysia didn't act within their right to do so after more than 10 years. We acted against Madam Lee in just four years after the mistake was made.

"Therefore, there's a fundamental difference in the two cases. We realised our mistake earlier and acted against the hawker. Malaysia never even realised that they had made a mistake in the water pact," Ms Vanity added.

Furthermore, she pointed out that it's impossible to trace the flow of the water Singapore bought from Malaysia at 3 Malaysian sen per thousand gallons, unlike the Singapore gahmen's payout to Madam Lee.

"We have recycled the Malaysian water so many times, and some became NEWater. How can they claim we are now drinking cheap Malaysian water? I rest my case," Ms Vanity said triumphantly.

Asian Idol Rock On!

TONIGHT'S the night when millions of viewers in Asia will be watching the Asian Idol competition.

According to The Straits Times, Hady Mirza (Pix source: ST), winner of the second season of Singapore Idol, is in the running. The report said he will be pitting his singing skills against a formidable cast of opponents - Indonesia's Mike Mohede, India's Abhijeet Sawant, Malaysia's Jaclyn Victor, the Philippine's Mau Marcelo and Vietnam's Phuong Vy.

Sophie's World hopes everyone will pick the best singer, instead of voting along nationalistic lines. Hopefully, the event will also display the best of Asia and push recent political problems in the region into the background. Asean has no shortage of problems, apart from their inability to deal with the murderers of Burma.

So, let's leave politics aside for a while and enjoy Asian Idol show tonight.

And here's a little satire by Sophie's World that was published by Singapore's premier satirical website talkingcock in October 2006, shortly after Hady won the Singapore Idol. Enjoy!

Proof: No Marginalization Going On
Posted on Sunday, October 08, 2006
Topic: International News
by sophies world

Malays and Chinese are not marginalised in Singapore or Malaysia respectively, contrary to claims from both sides of the causeway.

In Singapore: “This is conclusively proven by the fact that a second Malay has won the Singapore Idol," said Gahmen spokesman Ban Vanity shortly after Hady Mirza emerged as the winner in the hotly contested show watched by more than half of the island's 4 million people.

Ms Vanity pointed out that Hady is the second Malay to have clinched the coveted title, after Taufik Batisah in the previous year.

"The Malays trounced the Chinese for two consecutive years in Singapore Idol. How can Dr M say Malays are marginalized in Singapore? What utter rubbish!" said Ms Vanity at the packed press conference yesterday.

She was referring to Dr M's remarks that Malays are marginalized in predominantly Chinese Singapore.

"We could ask about the status of the Malays in Singapore, why they are not allowed to bear arms in the military or train to handle weapons," Dr M ranted earlier this week.

"Why is it that the Malays in Malaysia are so capable in the military field but the Malays in Singapore cannot hold high posts?"

The Malaysian figure had said it as a reaction to Singapore's MM Lee's comment that the Chinese are systematically marginalized in Malaysia.

But MM Lee was also incorrect about the Chinese in Malaysia, according to analysts who track the Idol phenomenon worldwide.

"A Chinese beat a Malay in last year's Malaysian Idol what!" said Sing Song Woon, referring to Daniel Lee who defeated Norhanita Hamzah for the crown in 2005.

The Idol findings are being regarded by both governments as being conclusive proof of each country’s progressive policies.

“The Idol results are very reliable,” said Singapore spokesperson Ms Vanity. “After all, they are extremely accurate in terms of forecasting talent.”

PS (15 Dec 2007): Singers who didn't quite make it to Asian Idol -- Pay Rise Needed to Maintain Hip Hop Lifestyle: Gahmen and MDA Rap Video Sparks Potential Gangsta War

Hahaha. Lovely satire and doctored pix but they are not done by Sophie's World!!!